wilder ray | two months

 and just like that our baby boy is TWO MONTHS. not even sure how that happened, but we are loving every single second with this boy. 

this kid is really the sweetest. he's a cuddler, a lover, a great eater, and starting to become a better sleeper. he has completely stolen our hearts and we couldn't be more in love. 

he is all my dreams come true. 

Wilder Ray at Two Months

weight :: 11 lbs 2 oz 

(birth :: 6 lbs 11 oz)

length :: 23 inches

(birth :: 21 inches)

Wilder is growing like a weed. I swear he gets a new roll on his squishy little bod every day. he's loooong and lean (like his daddy) so 0-3 month clothes are already fitting a little tight in the length but are still pretty loose around the belly. he's also officially graduated to size 1 diapers. 

E A T

this guy still loves mama's milk. thanks to the wonder weeks app, I know that this past month he went through his first developmental growth spurt where he was eating just about every hour for a week straight. that was hard on mama. but we're back on track now and he eats about every 2-3 hours during the day.
I also started pumping this month and we introduced Wilder to his first bottle! he took to it right away and now daddy gives him a bottle every once in awhile when mama needs a break (aka an adult beverage). it's such a relief to know that he takes the bottle well while still nursing great. so good for my sanity since I'll be heading back to work next month and my goal is to continue EB for as long as possible. 

S L E E P

this guy is doing so much better in the sleep department. there are definitely nights that are harder than others but overall, I think he's finally deciphering between days and nights. this month we started incorporating a bed time routine which has made all the difference! it's still sometimes a challenge to get him to sleep at night, but once he is, he stays asleep for much longer than he used to. 

bedtime routine goes like this:

around 8-9ish we try to have him awake and do floor time to tire him out, then it's bath time (which he just recently started LOVING), lotion rub, into jammies + sleep sack, and then cuddle/nurse. one of us will usually rock/bounce his groggy self to sleep and once he is, lay him in his bed with his sound machine on. 

phew! I'm getting tired just thinking about it... but it really has seemed to help! (my mama has said from the beginning, "babies/kids respond so well to routine" so we're really doing our best to stick with it every night even when we're exhausted). once he's in bed, he'll usually sleep for at least 4 hours. nurse and then go right back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. by 6:30, Joey gets up with him and lets me sleep until he leaves for work. so thankful for that guy. 

his naps during the day last about an hour or two and typically it's feed, awake/play time, nap, repeat. 

P L A Y // D E V E L O P M E N T

Wilder is no longer a super sleepy newborn. his bright blue eyes are making an appearance more and more every day and he is starting to notice his surroundings and really focus on things.
he started smiling around 5 weeks and it kills us!!! he's now starting to smile back when we smile at him and he coos so much! his little voice is the most precious thing!
we do tummy time a few times a day and he loves to be on his belly. he can scoot himself with his legs but doesn't get too far before his arms get stuck underneath him. he hasn't quite figured out how to move them yet, but I have a feeling it won't be too long before he does.
of course, I'm biased, but he is so strong! he can "stand up" with just some help under his arms and loves to straighten out his little leggies.

Wilder Ray, you are one of a kind baby boy. I love watching you grow into the tiny little human you are and can't believe that we've known you for two whole months already. you have quickly become the light of mama + dada's life and we can't remember what life was like before you got here.
your little personality is starting to come out and I can already tell you are going to be a sweetheart. and also a daredevil. you love to try new things all by yourself! like rolling over, where did that come from!
you look at me with those big blue eyes and I tear up because I can't believe you're all mine!
you look so much like your daddy it's crazy. the ears, the hairline, the smirks. goodness, you're gonna break some hearts one day babe.
Wilder Ray, you are our everything and we can't wait to see where the next month takes us, big boy.


T W O  M O N T H // P H O T O  D U M P

until next month...

xoxo

walks with Wilder

recovering from surgery is no easy feat. my c section was the first surgery I ever had and the rehabilitation phase lasted a lot longer than I expected. what has made it a lot easier is the fact that my little man LOVES being outside. in the first few weeks, me and this guy started going on short walks which eventually turned into longer walks and now, Wilder and I walk a few miles nearly every day.
we couldn't do it without our awesome jogger. it can withstand some pretty bumpy trails and is the perfect off road vehicle for us to go on little adventures.
getting outside and exploring has been so good for us both! and it's extra special when daddy tags along :)
p.s. these Montana Summer days don't make it too difficult...!

on a semi-related note, I recently started my "postpartum fitness plan" which isn't a postpartum plan at all, but really just a combination of short intense butt kickin' workouts that have me sweating like a pig within 5 minutes. it's awesome and I'm feeling SORE but amazing at the same time. it's making this tired mama energized since I can't drink a third cup of coffee...

I'm excited to share my results once I complete the program and hope that I shed most of the last stubborn 15 pounds that have yet to "fall off".

for now, you can probably find us walking pretty much everywhere because sometimes it's the only way to get little Dubs to sleep.

and then sometimes that doesn't even work...

I'd love to hear what other mommies are doing to stay fit! any tips or tricks that you've learned along the way? I'd love to hear!

Wilder Ray | birth story

I can already tell this is going to be hard for me to write, but I feel I need to put it all out there because, in my opinion, no matter how you bring your baby into this world
it's a story worth telling. 

Wilder's birth story was the craziest ride I've ever been on. 

it's so true what they say about not having a plan and keeping an open mind when it comes to birth because this story is anything but how I had hoped to tell it. in all honesty, it hurts to remember, but it's what gave me my beautiful (and HEALTHY!) baby boy and that's all that matters. 

it's also anything but short, so I'm going to apologize in advance for the novel. 

here goes...

I had decided early on in my pregnancy that I would give birth at the hospital. I actually LOVE the idea of a home birth, but since it was my first time, I wanted to feel as safe as possible if any complications were to come up (thankful for this decision every day). after doing lots of research, I knew I wanted to give birth naturally. my hospital is "baby-friendly" meaning they encourage natural birth, so I knew I was in good hands. 

my pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I am extremely blessed because I felt pretty good the entire time. I got hit with the typical symptoms: morning sickness in the first trimester, felt great and energized in the second, and then started to feel huge and uncomfortable in the third. but regardless, the babe and I were both healthy. he was head down around 25 weeks and stayed that way throughout the remainder of the time. I stayed active and ate healthy (most of the time) and it really did fly by. 

the birth story...

Memorial Day Weekend 2017 had come and gone. I was 38 weeks and some odd days. I'll always remember it being the last best weekend of just myself, Joey and our pups. taking long walks, eating popsicles, enjoying the 80+ weather, bbqing, Joey brewing, being outside and just lounging around our beautiful home. at the same time, I knew our babe was coming soon and I was so ready. I was swollen and uncomfortable and craving my sweet boy in my arms. 

monday night, I started having some lower abdominal cramps, but thought it was nothing so I fell asleep. I woke up around 12:45 to what felt like I had peed myself. what started out as a trickle, turned into a gush running down my leg when I stood up. yup, my water had broken. I woke a very sleepy Joey and we headed to the hospital. 

when we got checked in and to the room, I was only dilated to 2cm. my contractions were still very far apart and mild, so I knew we had a long way to go. around 4 that morning, my contractions had not picked up, so they started me on a Pitocin drip (I did not want to be induced, but since my water had broke hours before, I had no choice. we had to get this show on the road). I labored without any sleep throughout the next morning and day. Tuesday is a complete blur. I can't remember when my contractions started getting more intense, but I do know I was only dilating a few centimeters every four hours or so. it was taking SO long.

Tuesday night was pure HELL. at this point, I was dilated to maybe a 6 and my contractions were SO intense! I had decided early on I did not want an epidural and was sticking to that. around midnight, I was around 9cm, and continued to labor naturally for what seemed like daaaays. this part was the most intense, excruciatingly painful experience of my life (not exaggerating). I was stuck here for about five hours with contractions coming every two minutes or so and barely any relief in between. my hips and lower back had already taken such a beating that I was in pain even in between the rushes.

sometime early Wednesday morning, I literally thought I was going to die. I really tried to maintain strength and keep the thought of "this is helping my baby come out, just breathe" at the forefront of my mind, but the pain was so intense and my energy was running so thin. I was losing sight of it all. Joey, as amazing as he is, was starting to seem so weary as well. he was cheering me on and kept telling me how amazing I was doing. he was there to massage my hips and back for every contraction. he never left my side. but it was just so much and so enduring, we both were losing hope.

(meanwhile, the baby was doing great, thank goodness. he was just being stubborn and was too comfy to come out!)

around 4am, the doctor came in to check me and I was still only at 9cm. he could tell I was completely and utterly drained and suggested I get an epidural to give me some relief in hopes it would help to fully open me up. I was shocked because I definitely thought it was too late to get an epidural, but I was BEYOND relieved to hear him say this. at this point, I didn't feel like this was giving up, I felt like it was what I needed to do to get my baby out!

after an hour with the epidural, I was fully dilated and ready to push!
but this is when the second setback came into play...
I pushed (as the doctor said "like a champ") for 3 hours, but the baby kept sliding back up the birth canal. poor guy was trying so hard, as was I, to get him out, but he just couldn't fit through my pelvis.
*insert all the tears here*

that's when the doctor had the c section talk with Joey and I. she said she doesn't like to have women push for more than three hours, but we can keep going for one more hour and see if anything changes. she then told us the risks of continuing to push: even if we have success with the baby's head coming through, we risk the baby's shoulders getting stuck, postpartum hemorrhoids, and a number of other things.
they let me rest for an hour and told us to think about it.

ugh.
this is when I broke down. I didn't know what to do. I was beyond exhausted and my faith was dwindling. I knew that God had a plan for our Wilder, but I just couldn't see how this could possibly be it. SURGERY?! I didn't understand why the natural way of bringing my baby into the world wasn't working... but at the same time, I had a gut feeling that it was the right thing to do.

we decided to go forward with the c section.

at 11:16am on Wednesday, May 31, 2017, our Wilder Ray was born.

Joey still got to "cut" the cord and our sweet nurse, Mary, laid Wilder on my chest right away and I got to kiss his sweet lips over and over again.

after surgery, the three of us cuddled while Wilder nursed for the first time (he latched right away, like the champ he is). we were all in absolute heaven.

my baby was finally in my arms and from that moment on, nothing else mattered.

conclusion

I don't feel like I failed (or that my body failed), but to tell you the truth, sometimes I still feel like my body wasn't good enough. my baby couldn't fit through me and that's a hard pill to swallow (especially because he was only 6 lbs!) but as all the sweet nurses, my mom, and the women that love me have reminded me so many times, my body was, and is, more than enough. 

it created, carried and birthed a beautiful and healthy baby.

no, it may not have been in the way that I had hoped or dreamed, but it was still the most empowering thing I've ever done. 

I'm so thankful I got to labor naturally and feel the urge to push (yes, I still felt everything even with the epidural, it just wasn't as painful).

the last stretch of the process may not have been ideal, but the end result was a million and 10 times worth it. 

and I'd do it all over again for my sweet boy. 

life lately

life 'round here has been pretty great lately. 

we had a busy few weeks and it's been too good not to document. here's a roundup of what's been going on and tons of pictures to prove it :) 

gramma + grandpa Ford came to Montana!

my parents made the trek to Montana for the first time since we moved here two years ago (no guilt trip of course ;)) and we were so happy to finally have them here! Wilder Ray got to meet his mama's parents and it was a beautiful and relaxing visit. we didn't do a whole lot of anything and yet it was so much fun :) 

it was a week full of walking, bbqing, playing with the dogs, staring at the mountains, eating, baby holding, and lots of baby kissing. 

it was pretty much 

perfect. 

as sad as we were to watch them leave, we couldn't be happier to have had them here. and we can't wait to do it again! 

4th of July

I knew this 4th would be different than all our previous ones spent together. having a newborn meant no bikini, cocktails, or beer pong (sorry mom), but it's crazy how none of that matters anymore. I wouldn't even trade my pre-baby abs for the way we spent the holiday. 

this little guy is liiiife.

we spent the morning cuddled up on the couch, sipping coffee slowly, and enjoying the cool morning breeze before the temps got scorchingly hot. 

then we ventured out into the heat and took the pups and the babe to the river. 

Wilder's first time!

it was allllmost worth the thousand mosquito bites I got...

of course, our Bogey was there too, but that wanderer is impossible to catch in pictures.

we had a great 4th and even though we missed our families like craaaazy, it sure is fun when it's just our little family of 5 :)

one month new

Wilder Ray is ONE MONTH 

our little Dubs is one month old already and I'm seriously trying to comprehend where in the heck the time has gone. it seems like yesterday we were meeting him for the first time. cliche, I know, but it's the truth! he's changed SO much in just the 31 days he's been earthside and this new mama is feeling all the feels. 

E A T

Wilder is SUCH a good eater and I feel beyond blessed about it. we are exclusively breastfeeding and it is going so well! he's already gained 3 lbs since birth and is up to 9 lbs! I'm thankin Jesus every day because it definitely didn't start out easy (I don't think it ever does) but it feels like second nature now and Wilder is thriving. ahh it's just a dream come true.  

ps: from a first time mama, can I just say that I'm convinced nursing is the most incredible thing that God created. I cry nearly every time because of how amazing it is. not only the bond that continues to grow between me and my boy, but just the fact that I'm the only one who can provide this for my baby. our bodies are incredible and it's truly a miraculous thing. 

S L E E P

we're still working on this one. ha! since this is all new to me, I'm not sure if our routine is good or bad, but I'm not completely exhausted, so I'm chalking it up to decent. Joey and I always said we wouldn't co-sleep, which is why we have a "side bed" that Joey built that sits right up next to my side of the bed. buuuut having him sleep there is sometimes easier said than done. and when it's 3am and I can barely keep my eyes open and he falls asleep on my chest while I burp him after feeding, let's just say I'm not going to risk waking him up just to transfer him to his bed. haha I've eaten my words a few times as a new mama ;)

Wilder will usually sleep from around 10pm to 6am, only waking up to feed. it hasn't always been this way, but I've been trying to keep him awake more during the day and this helps him sleep better at night, obviously. there are definitely nights when I have to get up, swaddle him and rock him back to sleep after we nurse, but most of the time, he'll fall right back to sleep on his own.

P L A Y

this little guy is starting to keep his eyes open more and more every day. he's still a pretty sleepy newborn, but he's discovering new things every day and so are we. he LOVES tummy time and can hold his head up really well. he can also turn from his tummy to his side pretty much all by himself. I'm biased, of course, but I think it's pretty amazing. my strong little man. 

O N E   M O N T H | P H O T O   D U M P

can't wait to see what the next month brings!

xoxo